FSOG Is Sooooo Not About Abuse. At all.

It's rare that I get fired up enough about something to post here, and keep it here.
I just write some crap, then eventually take it down when I'm so embarrassed by it that I just CAN'T leave it up any longer. (Of course, I had to leave up the thing about the milk spills. Because, ya know, I'm all about the bettering of humanity. No one needs to be kept in the dark about that.)

I mean really, the last time I posted was years ago.

 "No one reads this, anyway"...right? Right.

 Today though, I'm just fed up. I've had it with generalizations about serious topics, the sensationalism of the media about everything, and the stupidity that seems to run rampant in our attention-lacking society these days.

 Yes, this will just be a blip on the radar of life. Yes, soon everyone will forget about these books or this movie in favor of bitching about some other book or movie or serious catastrophic event.

In the meantime though, I'm being bombarded by opinions of people that haven't even read this book, or yet seen the movie. (How could they, it isn't even out yet - unless people in this podunk town somehow got into a fancy pre-screening or just got back from Berlin's screening that happened, um...yesterday.)

 Probably not, right? Right.

 So, here's the thing. 50 Shades of Grey is not about a man abusing a woman. It is not about rape or torture or exclusively about bondage, or solely about a woman submitting to a man (by choice, by the way). It is, first and foremost, a love story and quite the opposite - it is about a man surrendering to a woman.

But hey, if you didn't read the book - you don't know that.

 If all you did was listen to the sensationalized media accounts of how racy the movie is, you don't know that.

 I actually could have let mainstream ladies who blush at the mention of "BDSM" think this, and let it go. I would not have felt compelled to write a 'shut the hell up you have no idea what you're talking about' blog, and would have watched the masses be led away from this work of FICTION because they aren't into bondage and all that "stuff".

 Hey, whatever doesn't float your boat, that's okay with me. Really. I'm not into all that "stuff" either. I'm into made up stories. Escapism. Reading a book because I can't wait to see what happens on the next page, and the next...doesn't really matter to me what the subject is, if it is well written or interests me. I like suspending disbelief for awhile. It's what readers (and, ahem - writers!) of fiction do.

But I get fired up when I hear someone fighting for a cause- like those who stand up in defense of abused women every day, trying to put an end to a truly horrible problem - speaking out on local radio news clips saying that this movie PROMOTES violence. Promotes abuse, simply because it has the topic of submission in it. That it is promoting the idea that a woman should want a man to use fear, intimidation or wealth to coerce her into being submissive - and should enjoy it.

WTF?!

 Really??

 If this is what you think, you have no idea what you are talking about. Because none of this happens in the book.

 This work of FICTION (again, bears repeating)...is no more about the abuse of women than Bambi was about animal abuse. Than Cinderella is about child abuse. Than Ghostbusters promotes violence against ghosts. Or New York City.  Or hey, let's take it one step further - it's no more about abuse than the first Harry Potter was about child abuse. Harry's family made him live under the stairs before he went to Hogwarts, right?! I mean c'mon, what kind of crazy shit is that?!

 Stop listening to the media hype about FSOG. Just ignore it. If it's not your thing, great. Don't go see it. Don't read the books. The writing is not stellar, and there are a crap-ton of books that are better. (There are FAR more that are worse, too, and praised more than the Bible itself - but I digress...)

 Not everyone who is a fan of this book/movie is a pervert. Not everyone who likes it is Godless. Just as someone who might have no idea what I'm talking about in this post isn't necessarily Amish and hanging out with Vanilla Ice.

 But please, for the love of Pete, stop involving worthy causes in your fear of this movie. Because that's all it is. Fear. An absolute real concern you have that Oh goodness, this movie is going to take us back to the stone ages. Don't insult REAL domestic abuse survivors, or the worthy cause of trying to eliminate it, by talking about it as though this movie is "bringing back" the notion it's okay to abuse women, or for women to be forced to be a submissive little housewife. Or, to be forced to be anything.

This is not okay. It never has been.

And, more to the point, it isn't wrong for women to want to be taken care of, in some capacity.

 It was just a book. Meant to entertain. Meant to distract you from the kids screaming over the last Oreo or the fact that you have to go out and shovel. Again.

 I guarantee you when it was just a tiny, newborn baby thought in the author's head, she did not intend to turn your husband or boyfriend (or... whomever), into a Neanderthal that would club you over the head and drag you off to bed, only to tie you up to it until you scream (for more), and then chain you to the sink and force you to wash the dishes.

 It's just-a-book-that-turned-into-a-movie. And it happens to have some sex in it. And some bondage.

Ya know. Regular stuff.

But it is not promotion for abusive behavior. Abusive behavior = not okay. Okay?

Move on, folks. Nothing more to see here.

1000 Islands VOICES

Assault by Milk

Did you know that doctors giving mental evaluations use common phrases, such as don’t cry over spilled milk, as a tool in determining a patient’s mental state? I didn’t, until recently. It seems simple enough. The doctor asks you to define a commonly known phrase, and you provide a rational, globally accepted answer. If instead you offer up “it means you ought to take the Number 7 bus on Thursdays”, well, you just might find yourself sharing a room with that guy from the movie Overboard who liked to eat his checkers.

For me, however, I now have the unfortunate knowledge of a more literal translation of this phrase.

It’s a rarity in CNY today. Sunny and 50 degrees before we’ve even reached St. Patty’s Day. I’m out in my 2006 Subaru wagon, a/k/a the Grocery Getter, and my windows are down. Of course they are, you say! It’s SUNNY! It’s over 30 degrees! What fool wouldn’t embrace a day like this around here? But my windows are down for a different reason, and will probably still be down a week from now, even if Mother Nature decides to drop another two feet of snow in honor of St. Patrick. The reason for my wind blown hair is the downright raunchy stench emanating from the way back of the wagon, where there has been a milk spill. And I assure you, I AM crying over it.

The spill did not occur on Tuesday when I brought home the week’s groceries, or even last week while my toddler rode with me on a half hour trip to the city. The spill happened two months ago. So I did what most Subaru owners would do – I took care of my Subi when the half gallon of milk I bought decided it had enough of the standing up thing, tipped over on the way home, and leaked. It wasn’t a huge leak. The top to the container was even in tact, keeping the entire half gallon from flowing all over the carpeting. And as soon as I got home I cleaned up Subi's (my) mess. I blotted, I scrubbed with stain remover and water, blotted some more and said a little prayer that from now on my milk would stay upright. I figured that was the end of the lesson.

How very wrong and foolish I was. To those of you that have kids, you probably already know the evil that lurks in spilled milk. But my daughter is not quite two and doesn’t travel very far, so the adventures of roadie drinks have not yet begun in our family. I learned this week, when the sun made its way here (finally), and heated up the car interior to 90 plus, that milk should no longer be allowed near my vehicle unless it is securely fastened to the roof with bungee cords.

The nauseous factor from the reek rivaled the tummy churning teacup ride at Disney World. My niece and I got in the car over the weekend, when the sun had first appeared.

Me: “What is that awful smell?”

Her: “I don’t know, what?”

Me: “You can’t smell that? It smells like garbage. It’s awful!”

She sniffs.

Her: “Eww. Yeah, I kinda smell it now. What is it?”

We look around, lift up the dog’s blanket that protects the back seat from hair (Yeah right! The back seat upholstery looks like it's made of golden retriever fur- but that’s a smell for another blog). The brief search turns up no concrete evidence of the horrid smell. Off we go anyway, ‘cause we’re in a hurry. We haven’t got time for bad smells.

I don’t drive my car much on weekends, so it’s a few days later. I have to put my daughter’s spare car seat in the way back to get it home. And there it is. THE STENCH! The milk incident came rushing back to mind, and then to stomach- it was all I could do not to hurl.

What to do? You Google it, of course. I keyed in “how to get rid of spilled milk stains in carpet” and “how to get rid of spoiled milk smell in car”. Several million hits later, I’m in hysterics at the plight of man vs. milk. I am not the only one. And I am, by far, not the hardest hit. Some have had entire GALLONS forgotten in their car- until it exploded under the back seat... in August. Others had 'coffee with milk' products accidentally dumped in dashboards, cupholders and floorboards. The list is endless. And most of those people let their cars get re-possessed or traded them in for new rides. Really. A few solutions were offered- use white vinegar, or baking soda, or spend an hour and Shop Vac the crap out of it. On my small spill I used a microbe based, odor removing carpet cleaner that my husband happened to have on hand. It has helped tremendously. My car now smells mostly of upholstery cleaner rather than a combo of dirty feet and moldy cheese. But I was one of the lucky ones.

I hope you have the good fortune of avoiding this altogether. Don’t be a victim of milk violence. Before you ride, make sure your milk is in an upright and locked position!